A Simple Way to Create Sanctuary in Your Relationship Without Spending a Dime!

Do you feel like your marriage is a safe place where you are accepted, loved, seen, and understood?

We call that safe place - sanctuary! Isn’t that a lovely word! Sanctuary! Your marriage should be a place of sanctuary.

Is it?

Every married couple has the potential for achieving sanctuary in their relationship.

Yet many find their marriage to be a struggle and wouldn’t characterize their relationship as a safe space. Perhaps it is at times, but consistently that sanctuary seems to elude them.

The reality is that not everyone struggles in this area! 

There are many couples who have created this bond and sacred space in their relationship that allows them to grow together and flourish!

The question is how do they do it?

Wishing for it and dreaming about it isn’t going to get you there. It takes the right strategy and insight!

Today, I’m going to share with you one way you can build sanctuary into your relationship! But first let me share with you why this matters… 

We all have this inherent need to feel emotionally safe. Life has ups and downs and things can be difficult.

There has to be some place that we go to decompress and take off the mask - a place where we are accepted, can be ourselves, give and receive feedback freely, and let our guard down.

A decade ago, I struggled to find that place in our marriage. It seemed like Jason didn’t get me, and I didn’t always feel safe to express my feelings.

I know Jason didn’t either! He didn’t seem to relate to me, and I could be dismissive to him. There was a lot of analyzing, rationalizing, and blaming. We had both become “detached” to each other’s pain.

We were lacking one major thing - EMPATHY!

Empathy is extremely important to creating that safe space in marriage. It is where you create that emotional connection between you.

Many of us believe we do this. We think we practice empathy, but in reality, we're missing the mark a bit.  We're often exercising sympathy rather than empathy.  We aren't quite taking that extra step toward relating.  While sympathy is good, empathy is much better for sanctuary!

Empathy is when we go a deeper, becoming sensitive to each other’s fears and needs. We’re able to understand what it is like for them - walking that mile in their shoes.  Empathy is where we identify with our spouse emotionally and really connect, really relate.  With empathy we're able to mirror and reflect what the other is feeling.

After Jason and I reconciled, one of the biggest things we both worked on was empathizing with each other better.

We learned from Jesus how to get away from giving advice, turning a deaf ear or preaching AT each other to meeting each other where we were. We learned how to be “moved with compassion” like our Savior.

It has made all the difference! Remember, if it matters to your spouse, it should matter to you…even if you don’t get it…find a way to meet them where they are. 

Our clients learn how to relate and enter into each other’s emotional spaces and see each other’s emotional worlds. It was transformational for us and has been for them!  You can have it too!

What can you do today step into your spouse’s emotional space and genuinely share in their emotions? You’ll be one step closer to sanctuary!

Jennifer S. Goins