5 Foundational Keys to the Blessing of Friendship in Marriage

Friends, over a decade ago, Jason and I were staring down the tunnel of divorce.

For the years leading up to that point, we had been doing all of the right things with our jobs, lifestyle, and activities, but all we seemed to do was drift apart.

The more we went on like that, the emptier, more lost, and disillusioned I became. 

It seemed like we were doing it all right, why did it feel so wrong

We married as best friends, but now we felt like strangers. I didn’t even know if I wanted to be married anymore. I was so unhappy that when Jason decided to move out…I let him.

What I found out is that the separation didn’t make me feel better. That stranger who was my best friend was gone, but there I was…still sad.  Nothing seemed to help.

I wasn’t any happier alone or with other people. I missed my best friend. I missed our relationship when it was right.

During our time apart, I realized I didn’t want to go through life broken and without my best friend.  I realized that if we would work at it together that I didn’t have to go it alone. I realized I had a choice...we had a choice!

I longed for the kind of companionship we used to have…but believed we could have even better. I knew God’s way was the answer.

His plan is for married couples to experience all the joy and fulfillment that comes from every way of loving - attraction, romance, friendship, belonging, and unconditional love. It takes all of these working together for a marriage to thrive and when it comes to friendship in marriage, it takes:

• Commitment - you both have to be "all in"

• Trust - be a person of integrity; be trustworthy

• Loyalty - put your spouse first

• Attention - be aware of what draws you together or pushes you apart

• Intention - pursue connection with each other

When we reconciled, Jason and I experienced the grace of God in our marriage and how He restored every facet of love He intended for us to have…including our friendship.

We made a choice.  We acted on those five foundational keys and learned how to go from…

being strangers to being best friends again…

 from…

being roommates to teammates!!! 

This time around, we chose God’s way, not our way.

You see, friendship is not an unconditional type of love.  It is a companionship type of love that expects something in return.  You have to work at it.  There are many aspects to marital friendship that we could talk about with you, but it was these "foundational" first things first attitudes we had to have before our friendship could even begin to blossom...and blossom, it did!

When things went wrong, we weren't doing those things.  This time was different!  This time around, our friendship is more powerful and stronger than it ever was before because we had learned how to put God at the center of our relationship and make the choice to pursue us above all other human relationships.

In the decade since our reconciliation, we’ve had more fun together, leaned on each other better, and liked each more!

If you and your spouse have struggled with connecting and staying friends in this journey we call life and marriage, you’re not alone! It happens! But know this, you don’t have to stay there! 

If you’ve made it this far in the post, this message is for you!  Our marriage is a sign to you that you can have that amazing friendship connection you always wanted! Go for it, you two! God is for you and your marriage!

Jennifer S. Goins